Thursday, April 15, 2010
I've been working on this one piece for a while now. After sketching out the piece in my sk. book, I was very excited to tackle it - and when my husband finished making the panel for me, my paints exploded onto the surface in a fever. Then, as most paintings go, I found myself in a snag. Thinking about color, balance, color & balance...overthinking probably, color, balance, color, balance...
I put it in the corner for a week, started and finished another smaller piece (which I found had the same amount of snagginess - I got thru it quicker due to the size), and now I'm back to the bigger piece again. When this happens, I HAVE to push thru the scary parts, take it one step at a time, and soon enuff I find myself flowering and fancying the process and piece. It's a rush of ambition, anquish & control at that point, and finishing the last touches is soooo rewarding. I don't know how many times I've suffered thru this - I'm pretty sure EACH AND EVERY painting I've ever done (in my life) I've found myself here. It's upsetting, and I've watched myself as of late, how I deal with this upset.
...Do wanna know what happens?
I find myself sitting in front of the piece, stuck in a funk - and inside, my mind starts to think of other things I can be doing (instead of painting this piece). It immediately tells me "I'm hungry...go into the kitchen and open the fridge." Soon enuff, I'm putting the wrapping on my palette, and wondering into the kitchen. If I wake from this lie (that my mind has wrapped my body in like a spider), I'll realize I'm not hungry at all and go upstairs to the computer. Where, let's face it, SUCKS UP QUITE SOME TIME if you allow it...And all the while, my guts are churning, worrring, suffering about that painting downstairs.
I'm sure (in fact, I'm certain) every artist that loves what they do goes thru this. (Maybe not the "I'm hungry" scanario, but the UPSET.) Otherwise, there's no challenge, there's no feeling and no growth. But it's hard, and it hurts. I hate to sound like an artist, but ... I am an artist. Suffer with me. :)