My Heart Shall Not Fear

Opening Night

2010-08-20T13:07:00.001-07:00

I know it's been a while {almost II months!}, but I thought I would put the images of opening night up in completion of this blog. Here's to all that made it out June 26th, and to all that couldn't make it but wished me well!

And you can act like you were there by watching the super quick video of the night!!

A Video! Never Before!

2010-06-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever, I videoed some inking process during the making of my show. Here, see my fingers and pen working on the piece Wander, Eternal Beauty. You might be able to hear faint music in the background, I was listening to Dean Martin Radio on Pandora.

This week has been ... I don't know. I think I'm really stressed and nervous about the show this Saturday. Usually, when I'm stressed to this degree, I tend to have lot's of problems in my sleep AND fall down and hurt myself when I'm awake. So, as it goes, this week's sleep has been hectic - lot's of night terrors, restless hours of thinking, staring at the ceiling. My neck and back are all screwy, I had to go get a massage yesterday in hopes that it would heal faster - in time to feel good at my opening...it's a little better today, but I was hoping for a miracle. AND, I fell down on the sidewalk on Tuesday! What the hell?!! I didn't hurt myself, but I was pretty perturbed. I feel like a lunatic.

Enjoy the video!

Lonely Studio

2010-06-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the day I delivered all the new work to the gallery in Culver City. It's left me very lonely in my studio and home today - I'm feeling a bit insecure without it. In the past, I've looked forward to the day my work was delivered to return to a cleaned out space...not so much this time. These pieces are so important to me, again, I can't explain it. Last night when I was trying to sleep, I was telling myself, I'll make my own My Heart Shall Not Fear piece (the one with the pink zebra) and put it back on my wall...and it accurred to me, that there will never be another "My Heart Shall Not Fear" in this lifetime. There will only be one "Sleep Escapes Me", or "Wander, Eternal Beauty" or "The Weight" (seen above). All the detailed corners, all the tears and struggle and HOURS upon HOURS I put in, are done and sealed and out of my hands for the world to take part in, and (hopefully) enjoy. Noone will ever make another piece quite like these...hmmm.

So as I was saddened by the empty space, that was kind of a nice thought and made me feel better. The pieces are for the world now - whoever wants to enjoy them, can enjoy them. I had my time with them, now it's your turn! :D

See some of the progress shots and read a little bit about my childhood here at Coates And Scarry (Chippy Coates and Richard Scarry). I had the pleasure of spending some time with these two gentle-gentlemen in their hometown of Bristol. They are as sweet as Bristol itself, really, so I was very pleased when they asked me to answer some questions about my show.

Sad & Exciting!!

2010-06-14T10:04:00.001-07:00

Things are getting very exciting around here as of late...with only two weeks (less than!) til my show opens, all the little details and special promotions are whirling around my head! I finished the works. I FINISHED!! The second round gets photographed today, then out to the gallery by the end of the week!! Yesterday was the debut of MY NEW WEBSITE and I'm so stoked on it!! A facelift of sorts is refreshing, and just in time for the new work - a new look!

Also, take a look at my Juxtapoz 20 Questions interview!! I worked in a little Linda Carter, Peter Fonda and the end of the world. See how I spin, take a lookie!!

So as I mentioned, I finished ALL the work yesterday - the final piece went out to be clear-coated (by one brilliantly beautiful man), and I sat in front of the pieces...alone with my completed works on the floor. I was looking forward to this day for a long time, thinking I would feel so relieved and happy and relaxed. Not so much...it was very odd. I've put so much into this new body of work, SO MUCH heart and struggle, tears and heartache - I can't even tell you. And now that it's finished and it'll go out to the gallery - I feel very sad. SAD? I've never felt this way before. I love these guys. They mean so much to me. It just feels like ... I don't know ... all your baby birds are leaving the nest maybe. I feel anxious and excited and nervous and thrilled too though, don't get me wrong. I feel very blessed and thankful for all the people in my life - their support and encouragement, their understanding and love. I get to do this beautiful "job", with the very best people around. It is truly wonderful...

YEEHAWWWW!!!!

Dear Table & Easel,

2010-06-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

When I graduated from High School (waaaay back in the 90's), it was decided (in my very young, very naive head) that I was going to be an artist, and take it very seriously. My mom and dad bought me an art table - a real art table. The kind you see everywhere, at every art store. Well, needless to say, my table was set up immediately, in the living room (that the six of us shared) at home. I used it every day, very proudly, very "importantly". That's where I sat and (tried) to teach myself everything I've come to know today. I love that table, we've been through everything together. I see wonderful, old, sturdy beautiful wood tables now and then that I would love to have and use as a professional artist, but the thought of buying a new table and replacing MY table - breaks my heart. This one is the one for me.

In the summer after graduation, when I CERTAINLY did not know how to paint, I guess I felt I needed an easel. I don't know how it came about, but my Grampa ended up giving me all his saved up change (he did not have much money at all anyway) to buy myself an easel. I went to Aaron Brothers, and picked out the easel that suited my needs and that fell into the budgeted jar of change. (This sounds so silly - like I was 7 years old - no, I was 18 - I told you, naive) I immediately set it up (in the living room), and tried to paint. I very soon got frustrated, gave up on paint, packed up my easel and set it out in the garage. For years. I still have that easel, it's the very same one I taught myself how to paint with (or on), and the very same one I use today (all these years later). Again, I see lovely strong easels, high as the sky and built to get beat, but the thought of buying a new one and replacing mine - breaks my heart.

This table and easel are run of the mill, nondescript pieces to the average person, but to me, they are my life. And now, with both my mom and my grampa gone, they mean so much more to me than ever. I wish they were here, so I could thank em, and they could see (after all the years) that I understand just what they gave me.

American Art Collector & Sketch Theatre For MHSNF

2010-06-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

Yay!! This month's American Art Collector has a beautiful piece about my new show!! In the feature, you can peek in and behold three new images of works that are part of My Heart Shall Not Fear. The interview went great, I really appreciate their support and the support of the Corey Helford Gallery.

"Brandi Milne has a unique voice that I can only describe as 'Nouveau surreal'. The fantasy of her imagery is dream-like, but like dreams, very connected to the psyche of the artist. The overt impression one gets from My Heart Shall Not Fear is delicacy and dark beauty, but the latent message is about mortality and the magic of renewal." -Jan Helford, Owner, Corey Helford Gallery

(Here's the great Jan Helford and me at the gallery this past Friday!)

Aaaand, for your viewing and listening pleasure, My friend Lily from Sketch Theatre had me back for a fourth installment ~ see my Candy Head Girl from start to finish in less than two minutes to the musical stylings of Modest Mouse!!

I got to spend some more time with Lily (left), in a mushroom house - built by one Mr. Rick O'Brien at the enchanted home of Rick and Mindy (MISS Mindy) over the weekend. Good-time-guy Bob Self (Baby Tattoo Books) and the O'Briens hosted a Mid Summer Night's Dream Dr. Sketchy's - good times all around!!

Here are sad times upon departure...but it's back to the drawing board for the both of us!!

Press On!

2010-06-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

I'm trudging thru my last piece for the show (the last piece!), getting organized to do press releases, setting up for the photography of the final pieces, making final decisions for the extra tidbits opening night at the gallery, getting my hair colored and thinking about what to wear opening night. But things're bien mucho, I'm stoked! When all is revealed after my show, I'll be able to take you thru some of the specific pieces - inspirations and struggles, cuz to me, that's the fun part!

Just wanted to pop in and say hello! Hope all is well out there, as always!!

Free Bird

2010-05-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

Birds represent ultimate freedom. If I were to make a painting, and include a bird of any sort, this might give a little more insight to the story. Birds are freedom. Freedom is life. Just might.

Hustlin N Bustlin, No Joke

2010-05-27T19:29:00.001-07:00

I've been all quiet on the western front as of late, I know. I've been working my fingers to the skinny over here, getting things all finished up for the big show. But I wanted to share with you the show card found in Juxtapoz this month! It's the very first image of all the images kept so secret between myself and the gallery. It's getting really exciting, and I'm starting to see the finish line up ahead.

Sleepless nights turn into days and days of painting, emailing, documenting, and more painting. It's definitely a labor of love and beyond at this point, like you've built a story~ and characters that become your family. It'll feel very strange when all the work is out of my hands and in the very capable hands of the Corey Helford Gallery in a few weeks. To work this long, this hard and this intensely on such a large body of work and then stop when it's finished, feels very....lonely. And quiet. !!!But I'm not quite there yet! Still crazy hustlin and crowded here, for a few more weeks at least...

I got myself up to Hollywood today (fighting traffic there and back) to do an interview at the Sketch Theatre Studio. The very fun and lovely Lola played the part of the interviewer, and we had a great time goofing off with our silly-girl jitters for the camera. Lily Feliciano (Sketch Theatre) has her work of editing cut out for her, but she was half the trouble herself!! We had such a fun time! I also had a moment to bust out a special sketch on camera that will debut before the show (as well as the interview). I'll be sure to keep the updates flowin! Til then, be well!!

Bristol, England, Oh How I Love Thee

2010-05-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

Just back from Bristol, what a trip! I'm ready to attack my art world like nobody's business but my own, I can't even tell you!!

Stories and inspired moments will come, I just gotta tackle my work as soon as I can. You know how I love to share!

Thank you lovely people for coming out, supporting the arts, loving Bristol, Corey Helford & the such! I'm outta my mind inspired, I can't even think!! AAAAHHHHRRRRR!!

Bright Eyes

2010-05-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

The tail end wrap-up work of My Heart Shall Not Fear's about to get blown wide open! My eyes haven't seen nothin yet...

New Breath

2010-05-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

I needed these.

A new breath of inspiration just at the right moment. I'm working on a darker piece of artwork for the show, still whimsical but darker all the same. These images of Remedios Varo's work have given me that boost of freshness I needed - just in time!

The search for inspiration is endless, inspiring and priceless. Now let's get back down to work!!

Secrets Of The Last Show On Earth

2010-04-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

In the summer, I read an interview in Hi Fructose magazine with Todd Schorr. In the interview he's talking about how you approach your work, how little time we have here, and why would you ever let yourself rush and put out something less than what you'd struggle to be your final best piece ever. Now we all know what an unbelievable painter Todd Schorr is, but that one interview stuck with me, and really set it's hooks in.

So when I was tossing around ideas and inspiration in my head before I began work on this show of mine, this notion was in every fiber. This body of work has been in the making for 8 months now (not including the 3 months prior to painting of prowling around in my mind), I'm on the home stretch, and looking back, I'm WORKED. It's definitely the tightest, most eager heartfelt struggle I've put out - which is what I held myself to WITH NO EXCEPTIONS. If I had this ONE LAST CHANCE to do a complete show and solid body of work, what would I do? What would I say? How would I lay it out?

In each of these new pieces, there's story. Little bits of story to make up the big story ~ the heavy bulk of the show. There's lots of symbolism as I've always hidden in my work, secrets and stories that most people will never know. That's how it goes with art works and their makers. But if these images grab people, make em look twice, make em feel...anything, and they never know the secrets - that's fine with me. As long as they're looking!

So as I go downstairs to chip away at these final pieces, I hope you are all doing well, and doing exactly what you want to do - with no exceptions! Fare well, my friends!!

The Story

2010-04-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are familiar with my work, my past shows and what not, you know that my personal life influences my artwork 100%. You'll find what's going on in my life parallels the work I'm doing at any given time. My new show is no different.

So if I'm going to talk a bit about my show here in this blog, I'll need to address the very core of the show's soul, which is the aftermath of my mom's passing 2 years ago. Before her, I had never experienced a loss in such great magnitude. It has left me broken, my heart in a million pieces. Two years later, I'm thinking a lot about life, death, and what lies beyond that.

This is where my story begins...My Heart Shall Not Fear...what lies beyond death.

The Upset

2010-04-15T08:57:00.001-07:00

I've been working on this one piece for a while now. After sketching out the piece in my sk. book, I was very excited to tackle it - and when my husband finished making the panel for me, my paints exploded onto the surface in a fever. Then, as most paintings go, I found myself in a snag. Thinking about color, balance, color & balance...overthinking probably, color, balance, color, balance...

I put it in the corner for a week, started and finished another smaller piece (which I found had the same amount of snagginess - I got thru it quicker due to the size), and now I'm back to the bigger piece again. When this happens, I HAVE to push thru the scary parts, take it one step at a time, and soon enuff I find myself flowering and fancying the process and piece. It's a rush of ambition, anquish & control at that point, and finishing the last touches is soooo rewarding. I don't know how many times I've suffered thru this - I'm pretty sure EACH AND EVERY painting I've ever done (in my life) I've found myself here. It's upsetting, and I've watched myself as of late, how I deal with this upset.

...Do wanna know what happens?

I find myself sitting in front of the piece, stuck in a funk - and inside, my mind starts to think of other things I can be doing (instead of painting this piece). It immediately tells me "I'm hungry...go into the kitchen and open the fridge." Soon enuff, I'm putting the wrapping on my palette, and wondering into the kitchen. If I wake from this lie (that my mind has wrapped my body in like a spider), I'll realize I'm not hungry at all and go upstairs to the computer. Where, let's face it, SUCKS UP QUITE SOME TIME if you allow it...And all the while, my guts are churning, worrring, suffering about that painting downstairs.

I'm sure (in fact, I'm certain) every artist that loves what they do goes thru this. (Maybe not the "I'm hungry" scanario, but the UPSET.) Otherwise, there's no challenge, there's no feeling and no growth. But it's hard, and it hurts. I hate to sound like an artist, but ... I am an artist. Suffer with me. :)

My Name Is Lucifer, Please Take My Hand

2010-04-11T10:06:00.000-07:00

So Many Sides Of Why

2010-04-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

In the beginning of getting ready for a new body of work, for a solo show, I toss around ideas, stories, and inspiration in my head for MONTHS. Until the point where I have a substantial amount of wild inspiration and I can no longer keep em organized in my head ~ then I start sketching like mad.

The story has to relate to myself at the time, and it takes on many different faces and many different turns as it all develops and comes together. Sometimes it feels like I've got a hundred wild horses, running every different direction, and I need to reign em all in. At this point I feel very anxious. By the time I start sketching, the stress is lightened a little - then by the time I start figuring out sizes for panels and settle on pieces I want to paint, I feel very excited to get started.

I started painting back in October.

Willkommen!

2010-04-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

Welcome!!

We're closing in (fast!) on my next solo show and I really wanted to create a place where I can document my process and take you along for the ride. The title of my show is "My Heart Shall Not Fear" so here I've created "My Heart Shall Not Fear" - the blog.

The process of creating pieces for an entire body of work is long and hard - but worth every minute. I can share my thoughts, inspirations, some secrets and whatnots so that by the time I reveal actual finished pieces to you, you'll have a better understanding of what (as an artist and human being) I'm trying to convey. Sound fun? Come visit me often!

Opening Night: June 26th, 2010 at the Corey Helford Gallery in Culver City California. Updates will follow for giveaways and special opening night goodies (cuz you know I'ma sucker for that stuff!)

Brandi Milne